She said, “Look at me.” And I did.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:33:34 -0400

She said, “Look at me.”

And I did.

Today

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:02:00 -0400

I hate this God-Damned country.

Because I don’t think that I have ever loved anyone.

And I read today, “If remembering you had to be somewhere

was a person, It’s a mugger in an alley.”

It’s the idea of the movie star. Star-crossed lovers.

They deserve each other. But who can say the same here?

I heard today that “All your kind, they come and clean.”

But all I saw was the dirty rat track.

The only thing that exists ~~is sound~~ just is.

But nothing is like that.

Run, run, run to your grave. Run, run, run to your grave. Run,...

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 01:42:00 -0400

Run, run, run to your grave. Run, run, run to your grave. Run, oh, run, run to your grave. Run, oh, run, run to your grave. Cause they’re coming for your brain but they will leave with your head. And they’ve got money and science. And they will leave you for dead. Sleep, sleep, sleep in your tomb. Sleep, oh, sleep, sleep in your tomb. Don’t bury your body with your diamonds. Cause you know they’ll dig up your grave. And don’t hold on to your riches. Cause when you die, you’re a slave. And emotion is a simple test to the synapse. Don’t let it fool you into thinking that you’ve got brains. And the more you feel, the more you will take with you. So cut the flesh and let your blood flow to the drain. You’ve got to tear, burn, soil the flesh. God will do the rest. Scream, cry, pray, confess. God will do the rest. Scream, cry, pray, confess. God will do the rest. Scream, cry, pray, confess. God will do the rest.

To Unweave a Rainbow

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:51:00 -0400

Today I began reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I highly recommend it. Its argument, which is in support of Atheism, holds some interesting observations and quotes from surprising sources. One of the earlier chapters in the book give a quote from Carl Sagan, from his Pale Blue Dot. As many of my friends will attest, I’ve been pretty open with my search for “more.” I think this quote states beautifully what I have been thinking for some time now.

How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, ‘This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant’? Instead they say, ‘No, no, no! My god is a little god and I want him to stay that way.’ A religion, old or new, that stressed the magnificence of the Universe as revealed by modern science might be able to draw forth reserves of reverence and awe hardly tapped by the conventional faiths.

In my lifelong (all of 21 years, give or take) interest in God, though only a few years of it classified as intelligently “aware,” or even conscious, I have explored multiple solutions to that ever dreaded question, “Where do I go when I die?” I recently told a friend, while kind of intoxicated and overall sentimental, that I thought of three things above all else. Essentially they are one in the same, being: 1.) Death, 2.) God, 3.) Reality.

While most television commercials about depression awareness claim that constant thoughts on death are one of the telling signs of depression (or more likely and subliminally, with a small asterisk-marked text, “Sponsored by your loving, local, and omnipresent pharmaceutical company), I personally disagree. It’s not so much that I want death to come, though I am constantly reminded that it will, it’s the curiosity and the theory of death that interest me. I mean honestly, what is bigger mystery than death? Adversely it should be one of the few absolutes we could ever encounter as a human, as a living (and dying) being.

By God, I no longer, nor will I likely ever again, be referring to that of a Christian god. Being raised, or how I see it now as indoctrinated into Christianity will likely, at least for a time affect the way in which I argue and reason my own views on Death/God/Reality, these arguments are not rooted in a specific Religion. Though I’m sure they borrow from their terms and conceptualization of said views. Most importantly, this is likely an ever-present and unending research project, I must learn to accept this.

This is not to say that I don’t believe in God. I believe in creation, I walk in a forest and I am in awe of it’s existence, therefore my existence. But it is not the supernatural God, nor is it worship in a religion for this type of God. Instead it is of myself, and all around us. Essentially, IT just IS. Again from The God Delusion, said by Albert Einstein, states what I mean much more articulately:

I have never imputed to Nature a purpose or a goal, or anything that could be understood as anthropomorphic. What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of humility. This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism.

Lastly Reality, this is the least definable term. I questioned even adding it to my little “thought list,” though I definitely did say it after some mixed drinks and shared words. Pretty much it encompasses consciousness, awareness and being alive, but Death and God as well. I wish I could be more concrete in my definition. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth (just like Oprah and every other person on the planet), which talks more about this sense of consciousness. I’m not going to go too far into that, but it does indeed connect well.

All these new discoveries, and what I think are epiphanies happened over the past 3 years or so. It’s very interesting how these things sort of fell into my lap after I had been coming to my own half-baked solutions. And here The God Delusion comes in again, which I’ll finish with:

If there is something that appears to lie beyond the natural world as it is now imperfectly understood, we hope eventually to understand it and embrace it within the natural. As ever when we unweave a rainbow, it will not become less wonderful.

Photo

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:38:00 -0400

From "No Neck and Bad as Hell" by Charles Bukowski

Sat, 31 May 2008 02:40:00 -0400

Ernie: How do you like the island?
Bukowski: It's for them.
Ernie: Meaning?
Bukowski: The public is fortunate. Everything pleases them: icecream cones, rock concerts, singing, swinging, love, hate, masturbation, hot dogs, country dances, Jesus Christ, roller skating, spiritualism, capitalism, communism, circumcision, comic strips, Bob Hope, skiing, fishing murder bowling debating, anything. They don't expect much and they don't get much. They are one grand gang.
Ernie: That's quite a speech
Bukowski: That's quite a public.

I rencently saw a movie, Constantine’s Sword by James...

Wed, 28 May 2008 18:36:00 -0400

I rencently saw a movie, Constantine’s Sword by James Carroll (of which is based off of a book he wrote of the same name). Here is a synopsis:

Constantine’s Sword is the story of James Carroll; a former Catholic priest on a journey to confront his past and uncover the roots of religiously inspired violence and war. His search also reveals a growing scandal involving religious infiltration of the U.S. military and the terrible consequences of religion’s influence on America’s foreign policy.

Carroll focuses on Christian antisemitism as the model for all religious hatred, exposing the cross as a symbol of a long history of violence against Jews (and, most recently, Muslims). The film brings the history of religious intolerance to life, tracing it as a source of the fanaticism that threatens the world today. At its core, Constantine’s Sword is a compelling personal narrative — a kind of detective story — as one man uncovers the dark areas of his own past, searching for a better future.

A friend of mine recently told me about a “controversial” video that Justice, the Electronic French band, put on youtube after several networks banned it for being “racist.” The video shows a bunch of (what I assumed) gang members running around a French ghetto, causing torment and mayhem to anyone that crosses their path. (A Clockwork Orange anyone?) I have been reading through various comments on the video, by different viewers, and most of them have said this is a commentary on the media, of which only focuses on the bad parts of Paris, France and its ghettoed suburbs. Here is the video I am talking about, from youtube: Justice’s, Stress. (Or, if you already haven’t, you can watch at the top of this entry.)

What is so interesting about Justice (other than their quality music) is their use of the cross. In fact their debut album is just that, †. There are no words used in the title (unless you want to supplement the symbol for the word “cross”). Simply, †. Their name, Justice, is also very interesting as this is the very thing that most Christians would claim to have on their side, as they have claimed for thousands of years. Muslims, Jews, Pagans, and today… Iraqis, all slaughtered under one symbol, †.

Of course this is not to say that only Christians are at fault for this type of behavior, other religious crimes have been recorded by countless other groups. But what makes these Christian murders, massacres, and killings so important to mention, is that the Catholic church is hesitant, or just flat out denies, some… if not most of their wrong-doings. But if you want more about that, watch Carroll’s movie sometime, I think it’s only screening in select theaters right now.

Maybe Justice only wanted to make a video about Paris’ ghettos, but every time I watch it I can’t help but think back on a quote from Constantine, the first Roman Christian Emperor:

Under this sign, I have conquered all.

†